Edward Cullen and the iPod Shuffle Quiz
by Carrie Swinton
Summary: Let's throw Edward, an iPod, a quiz, and a shuffle button into a bag. The mix we have is some really strangely accurate song titles for Edward and a whole lot of laughter in the Cullen house. What will Alice and Emmett do with these titles? Threeshot. xD.
1. The Quiz

_Disclaimer to Stephenie Meyer._

(EPOV)

As I was walking out of my room I heard Alice and Bella giggling in the study. That was odd. As of recent Bella had been in a sombre mood and was kind of, depressed. I shook of this feeling and ran in a second to the study. They both were squatted in the same chair their eyes transfixed to the computer screen.

"What's so funny?" I asked. Bella and Alice turned to face me.

"It's just this quiz," Alice began, and I looked at the screen. I saw it blaring at me. The iPod Shuffle Quiz. Bella had her iPod in her hand.

"Why is it so funny?" I asked again, my facial expression must have been hilarious to them because in a sisterly like manner they both started laughing again. I turned to walk about but I felt a warm hand on my arm.

"No, you try."

"I don't think that's necessary," I said, pulling Bella into my arms, a million possibilities running through my mind. Bella was blushing in my arms. That was something I was definitely going to miss. I heard a cough and I glared at Alice. Alice glared back.

_Just do it, it'll make Bella happy, _Alice hissed in her thoughts. I sighed in defeat and took charge of the computer.

"What do I do?" I asked the pair of them. They both pointed at the screen and I read the instructions. All I had to do was put the iPod on shuffle and the song that would appear would be the song that answered each individual question. I still didn't understand how this was meant to be funny, or predict anything about me. Nonetheless Bella pored over her iPod and I wanted to please her. If this would make her laugh then so be it. She then held the iPod out to me.

"You know what you have to do," Bella said. I took the iPod and pressed shuffle, which answered the first question.

_How does the world see you? _ Seventeen Forever – Metro Station

There was a chuckle behind me as the song blared through the headphones.

"What?" I said fiercely at Alice. She just shook her head innocently and kept her mind blank. I looked at Bella who looked as if she could burst with laughter she would. I gritted my teeth as I was reminded in frustration that I couldn't read Bella's mind. I moved onto the next question.

_Will I have a happy life? _I'm not okay (I promise) – My Chemical Romance

I ignored the continuous giggles and proceeded onto the next few questions.

_What do people really think of me? _The Boy who blocked his own shot – Brand New

_Do people secretly lust after me? _Yes Please - Muse

_How can I make others happy? _You make me smile – Blue October

_How can I make myself happy? _Please, please, please, let me get what I want - Muse

"What kind of songs do you listen to?" I asked, now frustrated that Bella didn't have a single classical acoustic song on her iPod. I could think of dozens of songs that would fill the spaces in an adequate way. I don't think that getting what I want would fulfil my happiness in any way. I continued on.

_What should I do with my life? _Scientist - Coldplay

_Will I ever have children? _One of a kind – Kaiser Chiefs

_What is good advice for me? _That's what you get - Paramore

_What do I think my current theme song is? _Clair de Lune – Claude Debussy

I smiled at that song. At least some things stuck. Except I frowned when I saw the next song:

_What do people think my theme song is?_ No I in Threesome – Interpol

"That's it. I quit," I said standing up, only having Emmett shove me straight back into the seat.

"Hold it, bro. I want to see the rest of these answers," Emmett said with a grin on his face. I knew Alice had set Emmett onto this.

"And there's a curse for people who don't finish it," I heard a female voice say. Rosalie. Great. As if I needed her to see what some trivia game said. I groaned and I clicked the next song for the questions I had to answer.

_What song will play at my funeral? _Invincible – Ok Go

_What type of men/women do you like? _Someone to die for – Jimmy Gnecco

_What is my day going to be like? _It's a disaster – Ok Go

"Yes, it is," I muttered under my breath before carrying on.

_Why am I here? _MakeDamnSure – Taking back Sunday

_What will people remember me for? _Animal I've become – Three Days Grace

_What song will I get in my head tomorrow? _Breaking Free – Troy and Gabriella.

I looked up at Bella who was blushing scarlet.

"I like that song. Lots of people like that song," she whispered in embarrassment.

"We're soaring!" Emmett started to sing, hoping people would join in, but didn't. We looked at him in disgust.

"Do you like Dirty Dancing too, Bella?" I asked playfully but the glare I got in return almost killed my soul. Except for the fact I don't have a soul.

"Just carry on with the quiz," Bella said, trying to change the subject. Oh, High School Musical was definitely going to be a conversation I'm going to change to when she pressurises me into talking about stuff I don't want to. I turned back to the screen and iPod.

_Are there people outside waiting to take me away? _Take me away – Plain White T's

_What will this year be about? _Vampires will never hurt you – My Chemical Romance

I smirked at that song but carried on...

_If you reached the top of Mt. Everest you'll scream: _Yellow - Coldplay

_The next time you stand in front of a group of people you'll say: _Copacabana – Barry Manilow

I looked up at Bella again in unison with the rest of my family.

"Copacabana?" I questioned in a voice that made Bella turn mauve because she was already so scarlet. I could smell the excess of blood flow to her cheeks making them deliciously red like an apple. I pinched myself so I didn't get so lost in the temptation to attack Bella here, right here, right now.

"It was on a TV show and I listened to it and it was pretty good and just carry on with the thing Edward," she said quickly without taking a single breath. I grumbled and tried to finish this quickly.

_Your message to the world: _I'm like a Lawyer with the way I'm always trying to get you off – Fall out boy

"What?" I yelled, speaking my mind. Emmett, Alice, Bella and Rosalie were in fits of laughter. Their raucous laughter had attracted yet another person. Jasper. I felt a swirling in my stomach almost as soon as he walked in. It was going to be hard wanting to quit this stupid quiz with him keeping me calm. Except, the calm that Jasper brought echoed around the room and everyone was resolutely silent. Maybe that was Jasper's motive all along – to make everyone quiet whilst he read his new book on philosophy. This theory was shattered when I saw that he, too, was interested in what this iPod had to say about me.

_Your deepest secret? _Real good looking boy – The Who

_Your innermost desire? _I want it all – Sharpay and Ryan

"High School Musical, again?" I spluttered at the choice of songs on the iPod.

"Edward, you listen to classical music in the 21st Century," Bella said back pointedly.

"Touché," everyone replied. I muttered, "What's wrong with classical music?" under my breath so that Bella couldn't hear but everyone heard and I could hear their responses in my head.

_It's boring...There's no point...It's boring...It has no meaning whatsoever...It displays emotions that are kind of weird...It's boring..._

"I get it!" I said out loud. Bella looked confused and I let Alice explain to her as Emmett had my head in his hands and was forcing me to look at the screen.

_Your oldest memory makes you think: _This is how I disappear – My Chemical Romance

_Somewhere in your wedding vows you'll include: _Stab my back – All-American Rejects

_When you wake up in the morning you mutter: _Earth to Bella - Incubus

_Right now, your feelings are: _Apocalypse please – Muse

_The day you fall in love will be the day that: _Vindicated – Dashboard Confessional

"That's funny," Rosalie muttered behind my back. Emmett had finally let go when he saw that I needed to look at the iPod to see the songs.

"What's funny?" Bella asked, looking at Rosalie. Rosalie looked at me, and she must have seen something in my eyes because she shook her head, her golden locks barely moving at all. It was a move I could see Bella envying. I couldn't see how Bella could ever envy _anything_ Rosalie could do. Nonetheless, I could see Rosalie visualise the moment in her mind. The day that Alice had that vision was proved correct. Except, there were other visions that she determined. Such as Bella as a cold-hearted vampire. I shook the memory out my mind and I could almost feel Rosalie's smugness. I looked at Jaspers unease and knew he could definitely feel it. The song changed and it answered the next question.

_You scream during sex: _Stuck in a moment you can't get out of – U2

Everybody laughed. I was almost mortified. Emmett's shrill guffaws sent everyone hysterical on the floor. If, at that point I could blush, I would sit there and be almost purple with embarrassment, but Bella's tinkling laughter made me smile, but the fact that she was almost crying with laughing so much, made me want to stand up and run away to my room and barricade myself inside there. At least I made Bella happy. I am such a masochist! I was willing to see her happy and was willing to put any dignity I had on the line. When Emmett saw my stern face, he only bended over and stared laughing even more which made everyone else laugh as well. Emmett's laughter was contagious, and the study door opened yet again to two laughing people. Great. I didn't want Carlisle and Esme to see this, or even hear of it. Except, when you have a group of people that are laughing so hard that eventually one of them is going to laugh their heart out of their mouths, it was going to attract attention.

"What's going on here?" Esme asked with a wide smile.

"Madhouse. I'm the only sane one here," I muttered and turned back to the quiz. I was so near finishing it, I might as well. Finish it.

_You'd describe your best friend as: _Pain – Jimmy Eat World

I smirked.

_Your friends describe you as: _Womanizer – Britney Spears

This sent more laughter through the group. Even Carlisle chuckled. That was great, I had no one on my side to tell me that I should stop.

_In an elevator you are most likely to:..._

Before I could answer the question about the elevator Emmett hushed up and everyone were suddenly very interested on what I could be doing in an elevator. I pressed the fateful button.

Macarena – Los del Rio

"No." I answered instantaneously. Everyone had evil smiles apart from Carlisle and Esme. This didn't make me feel any better as they had small smiles too.

"Yes," Emmett said.

"You have to do the Macarena on an elevator," Alice said, her thoughts were hazing and I could see myself doing the dance in the elevator with some businessmen and Alice, Emmett and Bella were chuckling in the corner. The vision hazed and I could see Alice, holding a camera.

"That is not fair!" I shouted aloud. Everyone looked at me, and I could sense defeat. Maybe it was the channels of defeat that Jasper was running into me, I will never know, but for years to come, I knew I was going to regret the thing I did next. I looked at Bella and could see that she needed me to cheer her up. I had put her through a lot, and she came back to me, and I knew that there were a lot of people that weren't willing to do that. Unless they loved them. I love Bella. I knew I had to do the most masochistic thing, just to make her realise it.

"Fine. You win."

I turned to the screen, now in a temper and was determined to finish this dammed quiz.

_Your philosophy in life is: _Tired of being sorry – Enrique Inglesias.

"You listen to Enrique Inglesias?" I said in a shocked voice. When there was no reply I saw that Alice, Rosalie and Bella had melted onto the floor. Esme looked like she was about to fall on the ground too.

"Enrique would make a nice vampire," Rosalie said dreamily. Alice moaned in agreement. Bella had completely spaced out. For once, I was grateful that I couldn't see what she could possibly be thinking. Jasper, Emmett and I looked at each other.

"The guy is like, 30," I told them in shock. Bella I could understand lusting over Enrique. That hurt. My girlfriend lusted over a Spanish guy. I shook that thought out of my head for a minute. Rosalie was hard to budge about human guys, but there was _always_ a guy that could sway her. I was shocked completely about Alice's reaction. In her eyes, Jasper had always been the guy for her and never looked anywhere else. Well, now there was Jasper and Enrique. Luckily, Alice was the first to recover which made Jasper smug. Emmett and I knew he was playing with her emotions.

"Edward, you're more than a hundred years old," Alice snapped back.

"Jasper's more than three hundred," I said back in retaliation.

"I believe we were talking about you and Enrique here," Alice said, turning the argument back to where it was before I drove it away. Jasper looked, if possible, smugger.

"Say it," Alice said with an evil grin and enunciating each word, "Say it out loud."

The words had a staggering effect on me. Maybe it was Jasper with his manipulations again, but I couldn't help but whisper, "Touché."

Alice patted my head, "good boy Edward," she said before peering over my shoulder and I noticed the song had changed, yet again.

This answered the final question...

_Your farewell message to the readers is: _Tell Mick he just made my list of things to do today – Fall out boy.

"Thank God it's over," I muttered, grabbing Bella and hoping to run as far as possible away from my dysfunctional family.

Unfortunately, this plan was thwarted by Alice who grabbed my arm.

"Oh, Edward, we're not letting you go that easily," she said quietly.

And my family were thinking the same thing. I didn't need an ability to be able to tell.

I groaned.

"No..."

--------

_As you can tell, I was really bored when I wrote this. It was fun. _

_Most of the songs are from Stephenie Meyer's playlist, and some research. Some were just out of my playlist or songs that are just plain fun. _

_I don't know if I should make it into a story or keep it a oneshot. Hmmm..._


	2. Copacabana

_Sorry, I'm not going to make this into story, but I'll add some stories from this, or I'll make a sequel, haha._

_Okay, here goes._

(EPOV)

Assembly. Even though it wasn't exactly mandatory for us to have an assembly, we had them, once a month. The head teacher discussed things we knew thanks to our homeroom teacher. It was also a way teachers could wheedle out anyone who has done some sort of wrongdoing, is publicly humiliate them. And because this was a small town, anyone who was called up to the stage had no dignity for a long time, because everyone would know about it, sooner or later. The only person who liked being on the stage was Emmett, who relished in being told off, and sometimes he blamed other people as well. Assembly. It was an hours' worth of hell.

"Emmett Cullen, could you come to the stage please?" the loud voice called. The head teacher was using a microphone again. What had he done now? His thoughts were blank as I tried to read them. It must have been hard to keep him mind empty like that. He walked up the damp stage and over to the teacher, a teacher that he regularly got into trouble with. Mainly for hitting on her.

"Can you explain this?" she said, her face was bright red as Emmett looked blankly at her. She was holding out a note, and a small square of silver. I could read it in the freshmen's minds before I recognised what it was. The freshmen were closer to the stage than I was, but my eyesight was better.

"Emmett," I heard a growling behind me. Rosalie was not happy, by the sounds of it.

"I have no idea, what you're talking about, that's not even my writing!" Emmett exclaimed. I tried to see what he was thinking. Oh God, no. Please, if there is anyone out there, please make this not happen.

"Do you recognise the writing?" a calmer voice asked, a voice that Bella, who was sat right next to me, probably wouldn't be able to hear.

"It's my brother, Edward's!" Emmett exclaimed, pointing a finger at me. If I could die at that moment, I would. Seconds later I was summoned to the stage. My inability to blush made me look very guilty indeed. I heard Rosalie's delighted internal chatter as Emmett and I changed places.

"Can you explain to the whole school why you wrote a note to Miss Medley, asking her to 'Be Safe' and putting a condom next to it?" the head teacher asked. Oh, God. I heard sniggering in the audience. I was lost for words. First of all, how had Emmett even gotten that note? It was something that Bella had hidden somewhere in her bedroom. Did that mean that he had gotten into Bella's bedroom at some point? I gritted my teeth and glared at Emmett. All he had to say to that was _Copacabana. _My eyes widened as I realised what he had done, with the aid of Alice.

They had set me up.

_You have to do it...The quiz said so! Its destiny...You cannot not do it now...if you don't want to say the word, sing the song...do it, or there's a forfeit. _

The sound of a forfeit was bad. I paused. I felt the sudden urge to sing. My last thought was hoping that Bella would still love me after I did it. I opened my mouth.

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl,  
with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there."

The need to sing was suddenly gone. I realised what had happened. Jasper was in a lot of trouble. After I had killed Emmett and Alice of course. I stopped singing, and hoped that saying the rest would make the situation better.

"She would meringue and do the cha-cha,  
and while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar,  
across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4,  
they were young and they had each other,  
who could ask for more?,"

I gushed it all in one breath. Well, technically, I didn't need to breathe, but it was uncomfortable to say something as tonelessly as I was. I could almost feel the shock of the student body as I was saying this awful song. It was getting worse. I decided singing was better. I suddenly felt the need to dance too. Oh, God. I couldn't control my limbs as they flailed in a manner that would seem seductive. The freshmen girls were salivating in their seats.

"At the Copa, Copacabana,"  
The hottest spot north of Havana,  
At the Copa, Copacabana,  
Music and passion were always the fashion  
At the Copa....they fell in love."

I ran my fingers through my hair for effect. I turned to face Miss Medley. I took the note and threw the condom somewhere in the distance. I ran back to my seat.

"I cannot believe you just sang Copacabana in front of the whole school," Rosalie said with a smirk on her lips. Emmett was giggling like a girl next to Alice who was laughing. Jasper was calm, but as soon as he looked at Edward, he had a wide grin on his face within a second. I glared. Order of assassination was now Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, the whole school who had witnessed this. It was some sort of way to keep the dignity I had suddenly lost.

"Nice dancing," Bella said, her eyes were glazed over. I guess she was dazzled.

Ah, screw it, if it made Bella happy it was worth it.

------

(_2 weeks later, gas station_)

"Hi Edward," a short red-headed woman pulled up near my car as I was filling it up. I looked at hers for a fraction of a second. A second-hand Audi, a nice car for a woman of her age. I just wondered how she knew my name. Oh, she was Mrs. Steels, the recluse who lived near the edge of town, except that didn't exactly explain why she knew my name.

"I heard you like Barry Manilow."

I dropped the nozzle. I stared at the woman who was smirking. I listened into her thoughts and I could hear her giggle in her mind. Even the town recluse knew?!

I collected myself and paid as calmly as I could. I smiled at the woman before speeding home.

This was not fair.

_------_

_Lols. I think I might write one more, I think you can guess (:_


	3. Macarena

_This is the last chapter I'm posting about the Edward Cullen iPod Shuffle Quiz, sorry to all those who wanted it to be a story, but it would have lessened the hilarity of the story if I did all the songs. _

* * *

"As you all know, the President is staying in Seattle and this would be the ideal chance for some of us to interview him and publish it in our school newspaper," the Principal said, at the second assembly of this month. I remembered the last time there was an assembly, and people around me could remember it too well.

"Do you think he'll do it again?" someone whispered from somewhere in front of me.

"If he does, he should do some rapping," someone else whispered.

"Edward Cullen, rapping?" a third joined in the conversation and I could hear muffled laughter. My hand clenched. I wished that Carlisle wasn't a pacifist and had let me kill Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie. There was silent laughter from behind me as well. Emmett. I resisted the urge to turn around, in case it made him laugh even more.

"Oh the joys of embarrassing oneself in front of the whole school brings," Emmett sighed, directing it at me. He was also thinking it, so he could be sure if I couldn't hear what he was physically saying I could hear what he was saying mentally. If I could punch him I would.

The Principal continued to speak, but I wasn't paying attention to him. I was more trying to crack Alice. For some odd reason she was reciting the Bible backwards in her mind, and I knew from experience that if she was reciting anything she was hiding something. Suddenly, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were all reciting some odd things. They were all up to something. I looked at Bella, who was completely absorbed by the Principal's speech. I decided against asking her what the rest were planning, because it was sure to worry her. Especially if Emmett was involved. After listening to what they were thinking for a while, hoping that one of them would slip up I received a small kick to the back. I jumped up in shock.

"What the-?"

"Oh, Edward," the headmaster said disdainfully, "Does anyone second this decision?"

"I do," I voice chirruped next to me. Alice. I was confused for a second.

"I third it," Jasper added, standing up. Alice gave him a dewy look of admiration.

"I fourth it," Rosalie said, also standing up.

"I fifth it," Emmett finally said, standing up.

"Yes, I think we've got the picture," the headmaster said indignantly, "does anyone else want to interview the President or shall it be Mr. Cullen?"

Nobody else stood up. I doubted many people cared. It was freezing cold, and I could hear many wanting this over with so they can go back to warm classrooms. I glared at Alice, what was she up to now?

*

"It's just procedure," a burly man said as he searched my body. I tried to not look to uncomfortable as his hands neared by crotch.

"Oh-kay, I doubt I'd hide any firearms near my crotch, it's a valuable area," I said, maintaining my voice so it wouldn't break. Emmett was guffawing next to me. He had an easier time letting the bodyguard search his body. I suspected it was because he was used to it. An image flashed in my mind and I winced, trying to will it away. Alice chuckled, but her mind was completely blank. Damned all-knowing psychic vampire.

Soon, we were cleared. The bodyguards moved to let us pass. Another set of bodyguards escorted us to someplace within this large building. I didn't know why Emmett wanted me here. Of course, I realised soon after he had kicked me in the back, causing me to stand up had meant that I had landed myself with the opportunity to interview the President for our school newspaper. Why the President wanted to be interviewed for a newspaper for a school which was in the middle of nowhere, I had no idea. Nonetheless, I was still here. I also had no idea why it was Alice and Emmett who were accompanying me. I mean, neither of them were on the newspaper club, maybe they just wanted to embarrass me or something. It wouldn't be the first time.

The bodyguards stopped for a second and I realised what they were doing. They were calling for an elevator. I froze.

"Oh no," I said, stepping back. No. Not the elevator. The God forsaken iPod Shuffle Quiz. They were really taking the stupid quiz too seriously. They did not expect me to _Macarena _in an elevator that was taking me to the President, did they? I looked at Emmett and Alice. They did.

"I can't go in el-elevators, I have re-really-y-y bad clau-claustrophia," I stammered, trying to find a way out of getting in that elevator.

"I'm afraid that's the only way up, son," the bulkier of the bodyguards said.

"Can't the President just come down?" I asked weakly. The non-existent acid in my stomach was churning. If I was a human, I would throw up. The bodyguards laughed loudly.

"The President, come down here for you?" one boomed through his laughter.

"Who are you to ask the President something as stupid as that?" the other said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. Had I been human, that shoulder would have been broken, or at least dislocated. I looked at Emmett and Alice, and they were giving me looks that said, _just do it._

Oh, dear-mother-of-all-things-embarrassing. Why did they insist of making my life a living hell? The elevator bell rang and the golden doors slid open. Emmett herded me into the elevator with a wide grin. I couldn't hear anyone's thoughts. The bodyguards were still thinking about my remark, Emmett and Alice were just reciting useless mantras in their minds. I suddenly grew suspicious, nobody near me seemed to be thinking about the President staying in the building. In fact, some people, whom I suspected where on the President's floor were thinking about something completely different than doing their daily jobs. There were more mantras. Thank goodness that there was elevator music so I could distract myself from the cacophony of useless trivia.

The music changed. The familiar faddy-dance came on. The drum beats came on.

"No," I said, pressing my back to the back of the elevator.

"Edward, you have to do it," Alice warned.

"Oh, what will happen if I don't?" I asked sarcastically. They couldn't make me do something I didn't want to do. Alice didn't answer. The elevator just stopped moving.

"We will not let anybody out," Emmett said, with his most ghoulish voice.

"That's not going to scare me," I remarked.

The bodyguards turned to face me. They showed me their guns, hanging in a holster on their belts. I rolled my eyes. As if a gun was going to scare me. They gave me an implying look, telling me that I should be scared. Damned humans, why were they so afraid of death. If I had learned one thing today besides trust Alice and Emmett it would be, be thankful you're not human anymore, _Eddie._ I winced as I said it,

"Fine."

If only I could remember the dance moves.

"Arms out," Alice prompted.

"I was waiting for the right time," I snapped. The moves came back to me.

Right arm out, left arm out, palms up, palms up, criss cross, hands on head, criss cross arms across my stomach, hands on hips, hip shake and jump a 90 degree angle.

At some point between the first criss cross and the second criss cross, I began enjoying myself. However some point between me hating the dance and me enjoying what I was doing, the elevator started again and the doors had slid open as I had shouted,

"Aha!"

Let me just say before I die of embarrassment, despite my earlier doubts that the President may not be here, and he was _not impressed_.

* * *

_I wrote an alternate ending to this story, but I think this ending is funnier. I'm leaving the iPod Shuffle Quiz fandom, for now, because I thought of this other story which would be quite funny to write about – so watch this space!_

_Love, Bexx. _


End file.
